Anniversary Edition

Me and boys.jpg

Today marks the third year of my wife and I being married, and boy has the time flown by. We’ve been together since senior year of high school, and we’re 26 years old now with 3 beautiful children. The featured photo of this post is the first picture we ever took together, and we’ve come a very long way since that night.

Our first was born in 2011, we were only 20 years old. I’ll never say that it was easy, having kids so young. One tends to find themselves pretty lacking in friends and free time, especially having a kid at 20. Most people your age are going off to college or are partying all the time and don’t understand why you can’t really go out anymore. Some day they will, if they ever have kids of their own. Cadence is six now and going into first grade. Watching him grow has been the most amazing and challenging thing I’ve ever experienced. I love you, buddy.

Tenor was born in 2014, and adjusting to a second child wasn’t as big of a change as it was with Cadence. Of course, having a second child brings on its own challenges. It’s another mouth to feed, more sleepless nights, and the financial burden of course. We’ve never had jobs that paid very well. Being with my wife has taught me a lot about materialism. I used to think that money was everything, and making money was the only way to be happy. Certainly you need some money so you have somewhere to live, but beyond the support of existence, most of the things in life that are truly important are free.

Arietta Joan was born in May 2017 and has really brought about personal change in me. Having a daughter really has put a lot of things into perspective for me. When I first held her, I knew she had me wrapped around her finger. She’s just over a month old now, and already growing so fast. She can hold her head up, smiles, coos, and laughs already, and it melts my heart. Now Heather and I are outnumbered with pairs of hands and little ones to keep track of.

Finally, I owe a tremendous amount of love and thanks to my lovely wife, Heather. I couldn’t do this without her. She’s the most caring person I’ve ever met, which counteracts how callous I am sometimes. She brings me down to earth and keeps me level headed, mostly. She tolerates a lot from me, and I hope she knows I love her dearly.

These 4 are the most important people on the planet to me, and I’d do anything for them. They’re the glue that holds me together. I love you all so very much. More than I could ever express in writing.


Dad’s Journal : Entry I



Do you ever wonder about all the decisions that have brought you to this point in life? Am I making all the right decisions? If I could go back, would I change anything? These are questions nobody has the answers for but keep people like me awake. One thing that worries me the most is if I am parenting to the best of my ability.

I fear, above all, that am failing as a parent. I feel that I’ve been losing my temper more lately, mostly out of a hate of the I feel in a rut right now. It makes me feel awful when my family catches the brunt of my frustration. Especially the kids, because it’s obviously not their fault. And they have no concept of why Dad is always so unhappy and cranky. Lack of sleep, bad job, stress, and a case of common depression are all excuses Dad can offer in defense. Dad doesn’t want to be remembered as the asshole who ruined everyone’s days all the time.

I suppose this all fits in with today being Father’s Day. Dad doesn’t feel like he is living up to the standards he should be. Always sleeping and or angry. Daddy is sorry, I know you don’t understand right now. All I can do is apologize for always being cranky and promise you one day it will be different. Daddy promises that he is doing the best to make changes. Everything dad does is attempting to be the best he can be and make a great life for you. Dad feels like he is failing, and one day I hope you kids will see that all I ever wanted was to be the best dad in the world to you. Should you boys and your sister ever read this, know that I am sorry for all that I’ve done.

I love you more than I could ever express, even though it may not seem like it sometimes. Being a grownup is hard, and it’s even harder for a child to understand. Mostly us grownups just make it up as we go along. Watching you grow up is amazing, and seeing you three happy is the greatest feeling a Dad can ask for.

I’m sorry for being a hard-ass.